Yesterday was pretty intense emotionally and almost surreal.
To begin with from about midnight till 2pm I felt like there was something tickling my hair. Me being me I had to interlectualise everything and I made sure my hair was checked for dandruff and nits LOL It started during my meditation before bed but after I finished I had to get up and look in the mirror cause I thought I had a small spider in my hair or something.
There was nothing. So this is where my brain starts going – okay your crown chakra is doing something just except it – and I could quite easily.I find it easier to trust these days but I still cant stop intellectualising. Just before bed I always draw 3 cards from my Divine Guidance deck and the very first one (the situation card) was Angelic Being.
It says that each person has an angel with them from birth and if I draw that particular card it means that they are wanting to comfort me or trying to communicate with me. They do this by brushing a feather along your skin (the sensation) or tickling you I immediately laughed and went to bed comforted. I also had extreme vertigo while lying down but it was not something that discomforted me – it was also something that is very vague in my brain – I can barely remember the sensation I can only remember the thoughts at the time.
I planned very early on to make my journey to the largest gum tree on our property. A week or so ago I mentioned how I felt that I am suppose to walk there and meditate and I had been very frustrated that I ignored that impulse. While eating breakfast I had the thought that I should go without my jewellery (crystals) but I kind of dismissed it. I also thought of having a nice Himalayas Salt bath and wash my hair, it so happened that I take off all my jewellery and forget to put it on afterwards.
So as I start my mini bushwalk to the tree I decide to go barefoot and I realise that I have no crystals on and I am cleansed after a bath. I feel very ‘not of this world’ if that makes any sense. Its like the me sitting here writing this blog post was not the person journeying through the trees. I carry with me in my hands two crystals, one a large heart shaped selenite crystal and the other a small amethyst as gifts to the tree/Gaia. I was still undecided about what to do with the selenite because it had been gifted to me and I love it, it holds alot of meaning and attachment to giving it up was going to be harder. I guess that was the lesson, trust my guidance even if its hard.
When I had started the walk I could hear black cockatoo’s and I was both delighted and humbled to realise they were up near that tree and didnt fly away the entire time they I was there. They mean “The Void’ we must look into ourselves and look into the void before white cockatoo brings illumination. So I started to meditate and I asked myself why not try and I tried to look into the void within myself. Nothing happened but then I got the impulse to put my hands on the earth and my left hand started to pulse very very strongly and I realised something beautiful – I was feeling the heartbeat of mother earth. I had heard about attuning yourself to the heart beat of mother earth or Gaia but I didn’t get it till then, it was just like when you lay your hand on someones chest the beat was that strong.
The strange thing is that I felt a sense of disquiet – I thought I would be elated, as in ‘finally’ here is some proof that I am on the right track. But if anything I felt a sense of detachment not elation. I buried my amethyst and placed the selenite in the bower of the tree as gifts and I made me journey back home.
One thing that was alot clearer was my sense of trust, I never looked down – I just trusted my feet would not land on any of the sharp rocks, sharp twigs, prickles or animals. I was also very aware of the birds flying around me and one particular tree seemed to attract my eye and I stared at it for awhile.
I still dont know how to describe the experience. I guess I had built my expectations up subconsciously or I am just becoming more detached in all that I do – but I felt that I accomplished what I was meant to and I will most likely go back there again.
An interesting side note is that I brought a tick back with me and it crawled off my clothes and onto the lens of my glasses which were sitting beside me for hours. I looked up what a tick meant and it means that either myself or someone connected to me is feeding off my energy and life force and I need to let it go. Because it was on my glasses I take that as a message from Gaia. SEE that I am the tick and I feed off her without giving back. I send energy to her and love but I dont do anything else, I dont plant trees, I dont do a lot of things that I could for her. Now that I have taken the unpleasant step and realised that I am a tick living off the blood of Gaia I have to take responsibility and give back to her more then I have been.
Final note – while taking out the puppy for its wee at 11pm at night I was staring up at the stars thinking how beautiful they are and for the 2nd night in a row I got almost dive bombed by a bat. Bats mean rebirth – I so so so feel like I am going through a rebirth. I am feeling very tired after writing this, almost like it was cathartic – I think I will go have some lunch and if I am still feeling a bit dopey then I will go have a power nap.